Stribor’s pet shop

STRIBOR’S PET SHOP

(According to the tale by Ivana Brlić-Mažuranić)

STRIBOR’S PET SHOP

CHARACTERS

Mother (Mrs. Maiden) – Vilim Muršić

Son (Ayden Maiden) – Marin Bogdanić

Daughter-in-law (Audi Bentley) – Katarina Pintarić

Pet shop worker – Leon Marciuš

Girl – Hana Tisaj

Stribor – Ines Benčik

Policeman – Leon Marciuš

SCENE 1

Young man comes into a pet shop. Pet shop worker sitting behind the cash register, a young woman on the other side of the shop is looking at some pets.

SON
Hello!

WORKER
Good day, mister! How can I help you?

SON
I need some fish food.

WORKER
Alright. Let me get that for you.

SON
And where is the owner?

WORKER
Stribor?! She is on a vacation in her forest. Wow! Check out the chick twelve o’clock!

SON
Wo-hoo! You charge for the food and I am going to talk to her.

Young man checks his breath and approaches the woman.

SON
Hello.

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
Oh, hi! Wanna marry me?

SON
Really? We have just met. Isn’t there a bit more to it? Like, you have all the paperwork and organization…

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
Nah. We can think about that later. So, are you in?

SON
Well, when you put it like that – sure.

She grabs his hand and they go out of the shop. Pet shop worker is yelling after them.

WORKER
Wait! You forgot the main reason you came here! Where are you going?!

SON
We are going to get married!

WORKER
And people say our arranged marriages are weird! Then what is this?!

The worker drops fish food on the floor.

SCENE 2

Son enters the house. The mother is sitting in her chair, playing a video game. Son starts knocking on her table.

SON
Mother! Mother!

MOTHER
Yes, yes… I will be right with you.

Mother stands up and sighs.

SON
Mother, I brought you my future wife!

MOTHER
Where is the fish food? Don’t tell me you didn’t buy it!

SON
Stop worrying! Of course I bought it, I simply forgot to take it with me.

MOTHER
Son, ever since you were born, you have always found innovative ways to disappoint me. You failed to do the only task I gave you. Come on now, who is this future wife?

SON
How do you mean?

MOTHER
You know exactly what I mean! Do you recall the previous daughters-in-law you brought to this house? I mean, I tried to be liberal, but you weren’t making it easy for me.

SON
Come on! Don’t overreact.

MOTHER
Overreact?! You have brought three potential wives so far and none of them was even a human! They were a pineapple, a pack of tissues and a parrot!!!

SON
Well, this one is 100% human!

MOTHER
Oh, is that so?! What is her name?

SON [stares completely still for a bit, then does a facepalm and leaves to ask her]
Honey, what is your name?

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
I’m Bentley, Audi Bentley.

SON
Ayden Maiden. Nice to meet you. [he puts his hand out for a hand shake]

MOTHER
Just let her in, for God’s sake!

He lets her in.

MOTHER
Oh, my! She is a beauty. You have chosen wisely, my son! As long as she isn’t a part of some goat burning cult, she is fine by me. [she laughs at her joke and the daughter-in-law turns her head]

MOTHER
Let me see if your beds are ready. Feel free to play Call of Duty in the meantime! [she points at the computer]

Mother starts leaving the room.

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
L-O-L! That game is almost prehistoric!

Mother stops and turns around.

MOTHER
Yeah?! And how would you know something about that?

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
I am an IT expert, currently working on selling video games!

MOTHER
Good for you! Unfortunately, your skills, talent and professional knowledge cannot beat my wisdom and experience.

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
You think so? I am sorry, but I have a document that wouldn’t agree! And here is my business card to prove that I am telling you the truth. [she takes out her wallet, takes her business card and gives it to grandma, puts the wallet on the table]

MOTHER
Thank you, sweetheart! Forgive me for not trusting you. You two can go to sleep now, your beds are ready!

Son and his wife go to bed (lights turn off around their beds). Mother grabs the wallet and starts taking cards out. She comments as she goes through them.

MOTHER
Library card… [she throws it]
ID card… [throws it]
Driver’s licence… [throws it]
Ouu! Massage coupon! [she puts it into her apron pocket]
And what is this? ‘Goat burning cult – life membership card’? There is a website address. Let me check that out.

She sits in front of the computer, types the address in and light starts turning off, she falls asleep.

SCENE 3

Mother is asleep in front of the computer. Son and his wife wake up and notice her.

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
What is wrong with her?

SON
She must have fallen asleep playing Call of Duty again.

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
That cannot be good for a woman of her age. How old is she anyway?

SON [checks his clock]
I don’t know. Around three hundred?

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW [wakes her up by whispering slowly]
Mrs. Maiden…?! Wake up…

MOTHER [screams]
STOP YELLING!!! I’m up! I’m up!

Mother falls asleep again.

SON
Well, I am off to the forest. Need to chop some wood for heating.

MOTHER [stands up]
Where is Ayden?

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
You should be thankful, he went to the woods.

MOTHER
Why?!

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
To get some logs for heating.

MOTHER
But we have a boiler!

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
What do you care? He is an adult, he can do whatever he wants. Now go make us lunch!

MOTHER
Ok…Jeez! Chill, sister! We are having sausages today.

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
Are you sure? I mean, you should watch your diet…

MOTHER
Don’t you worry about me! The sausages I make will be the best you have ever tasted.

SCENE 4

Daughter-in-law sits on the chair and looks at the monitor. Mother is preparing lunch in the meantime.

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW [talks to herself]
O-M-F-G! She is onto me! I have to save myself as soon as possible! Delete, delete…

She starts typing something. Ayden comes home.

SON
Hey, girls! What’s up?

Daughter-in-law closes the computer. Grandma enters, eating from a bowl.

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
Nothing. I prepared us lunch and told your mother to wait until you come back, but she couldn’t control herself so she started eating right away!

SON
Mum, that isn’t nice. She prepared the whole meal and this is what you do?!

Mother starts defending herself, but daughter-in-law interrupts.

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
And where are the logs?

SON
I forgot to bring them home, but I found this beautiful snake!

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW [starts checking it out]
Is it alive?!

SON
Of course not. I found it just lying dead and felt sorry for it.

MOTHER
So you brought it home?!

SON
Yeah, I thought we could nail it on the wall as a decoration.

MOTHER
Son, could you come over for a second?

Ayden approaches his mother.

SON
Don’t be mad because of the snake, a wall decoration is just a suggestion.

MOTHER
Oh, Lord, what did I do wrong?! Son, we will talk about that later. I must tell you something far more important. Sit down!

SON
Alright…

MOTHER
I found out who she really is! She is a member of a goat burning cult! The day you met her at the pet shop, she wasn’t buying a pet, she was looking for a new victim! Now, you hold her while I call the police.

Son stops her.

SON
Wait! Police?! Mum, I know what’s happening. You are getting old and your mind isn’t in the right place as it used to be. But don’t worry, we can find help – professional help.

MOTHER
Are you calling me crazy?!

SON
No, of course not, just a bit senile and paranoid.

MOTHER
You know what?! Don’t even talk to me! Enjoy your sausages, which I made, by the way!

She takes a laptop with her and goes out.

‘My heart will go on’ starts playing. Son looks at the floor with grief and suddenly just leaves.

SCENE 5

Mother sits on a bench in front of the house. A girl approaches.

GIRL
Good day, Mrs. Maiden! Would you like to buy some CD-s?

MOTHER
Are they original?

GIRL
What do I look like, a bookstore? No, they are not original.

MOTHER
Huh, what band is it?

GIRL
Sabaton.

MOTHER
What is that?

GIRL
A swedish power metal group singing about historical battles and wars, mostly World War 2.

MOTHER
Well, I don’t have money to spend on pirate CD-s. But I have an idea. Do you play any video games?

GIRL
Yes, my favourite is Call of Duty. I cannot pass the 15th level, though.

Mother starts rubbing her hands together.

MOTHER
If I play it for you, can I get a free CD?

GIRL
Yeah, sure.

Grandma plays the game for her and wins.

MOTHER
Alright!

GIRL
Alright!

Girl gives her a CD.

MOTHER
You seem like a decent girl, even though you sell illegaly downloaded music. Could you give me your E-mail so that I can hook you up with my son when I get rid of my current daughter-in-law?

GIRL
Ok, here you are. [she types it in]

MOTHER
Thanks, see you!

GIRL
Bye!

Grandma plays the CD on her laptop.

MOTHER
Oh, it has lyrics! Great. Wow, this is good stuff!

She sets the volume to the highest level and starts singing Primo Victoria.

The pet shop worker arrives really mad.

WORKER
Are you nuts?! Turn that awful music down!

Grandma turns the music off.

MOTHER
Sorry. I got carried away, I needed something to relax me. My life started to be very hard…

WORKER
Don’t tell that to me! I came here five years ago to fullfill my Croatian dream. I was promised fields of green. So I came here expecting piles of cash and then I realized they were talking about grass.

MOTHER
My son married a complete stranger who is treating me like garbage. Plus, she is a member of a goat burning cult.

WORKER
Huh! That is your son? I mean, no offense, but that guy is unbelievably dumb.

MOTHER
Watch your mouth,…! Ehh, who am I kidding?! He is about as sharp as a marble. What should I do?! Could you, please, help me in my trouble?

WORKER
There are two ways, the longer one and the shorter one, of course. The long one would be that you put a goat under your hen and call the whole village to see what your daughter-in-law would do. But that most likely won’t work so I would suggest that you visit Stribor.

MOTHER
Owner of the pet store?

WORKER
Yeah, she is known to be able to solve any, any problem.

MOTHER
Where is she?

WORKER
She just came back from her vacation. If we hurry, we can meet her in the shop!

MOTHER
Let’s go then!

They leave.

SCENE 6

They arrive at the Pet Shop.

WORKER
Mrs. Stribor, can you help this woman, please? She is being mistreated by her evil daughter-in-law.

STRIBOR
Of course I can! Do you see that cash register? Just cross the ‘STAFF ONLY’ sign and start working for me.

MOTHER
I am sorry madame, but I am not able to work anymore because of my age.

STRIBOR
Don’t talk foolishness, old woman! Of course you can! When I was young it wasn’t easy for me. My father gave me a small loan of a million dollars. And look at me now – I have created a pet shop empire!!!

WORKER [to himself]
Oh, come on… You have only one store.

STRIBOR
Shut up! Do you accept the offer or not?

MOTHER
Thank you so much for the lousy job you are offering me, but I would rather stay in my misery of having a cruel, bloodthirsty daughter-in-law and a stupid son than having to work for you.

STRIBOR [screams, swipes the floor a bit with her hand and falls on her knees]
NOOOO!!! You destroyed me!!!

MOTHER [confused]
Well, I’m sorry.

Nothing happens. Stribor stands up.

STRIBOR
Well, I thought it would be more dramatic. You are free to go, old lady!

SCENE 7

She comes back to her house. Police (police cars in the background) is taking away the daughter-in-law, Ayden runs towards his mother and falls on his knees. ‘My heart will go on’ starts playing.

SON
Mother, I am begging you to forgive me!

MOTHER
It is alright my son!

SON
No, it is not alright!

He slaps himself.

MOTHER
Yes it is. Stand up! I have already forgiven you. And here are some good news: I found a new random girl and I want you to marry her!

SON [he complains]
Ughhh! I thought we are having sausages today!

THE END

Applause, yes, no… probably not?!